Wicked Enticement
Random thoughts that have been bugging me…
I made a career change last year for the sake of satisfying my heart. It was insatiable; it needed inspiration. It needed to know after 4 years of working a “job” that I hated; a job that made me utterly depressed; that I could actually work for a passion. I made the leap. In some ways it has been very rewarding. I am much happier at work but the transition has been painful financially. I am trying to get a part-time job in the mornings and early afternoons so that I can cushion the financial blow. Sure, working a job that provides me creative and logical satisfaction/stimulation is fantastic. At least I will never have wondered “what if?” Yet every time I pay the bills I think, “What the hell; where did my money go?” $10 per hour doesn’t go a long way. I am blessed I don’t have a family to raise on this kind of money.
So now after updating my resume on Monster I have been getting responses from the administrative/clerical and white collared world offering me full time jobs with more income potential. Part me feels like they are the devil enticing me with their wares. Yes, I said it, the devil. I was raised Catholic…no, let me specify Roman Catholic and I cannot get away from it. Regardless, these companies see my skills that I used from my former careers and they want me. I just don’t want to be pulled into that black hole and not come back with my heart or soul intact. It’s like going from eating dark chocolate with antioxidants which is good for you, satisfying, and makes you happy to eating some milk chocolate easter bunny for the nostalgia; you know because you ate it as a child but it’s not even good for you in anyway shape or form. I only want to work part-time in the mornings before going to my other job at the restaurant. Yet, I also want to pay off all my bills. My goal is to pay off my medical bills from my week in the hospital when I was uninsured in 2008. I want to pay off my highest amounts of credit card debt and I want my car payment to be gone. I thought if I could work two jobs for at least six months and make some progress with getting my debt to a reasonable place than I wouldn’t feel so bad about working a low paying job. I would feel better if I could contribute more to the household income. I would just feel better in general.
So what do I do? What the hell should I do? Take the higher income salary based jobs and leave the restaurant until I feel better financially? I feel like a whore or do I work full-time at the restaurant and part-time elsewhere struggling to stay awake yet feeling like I am still making progress with my career goals? Yes, I want to go to culinary school by the fall or spring of 2010. I just don’t want to get stuck at another white collar job because it provides comfort and more money. I feel like I owe it to my significant other to make more money; like I used to so we can afford to eat out again; so we can afford to fix up the house again; so we can afford to travel again. I feel like he started dating someone who had a better income with very little debt and now he is dating someone who gets paid a little over minimum wage with debt ready to consume her from a dark abyss. I certainly don’t want to add $22,000 to my debt if I go to culinary school any time soon. I want everything else to be taken care of first. I want to be responsible.
Well, I have to go because I feel a migraine coming on…
